Nikolás

I met this guy, lets call him Red. Red was a 20 something year old single guy, I was a 17 year old single girl who was freshly heartbroken looking for love in all the wrong places. Red was very toxic for me, but I kept him there because I was convinced he was going to one day fall in love with me. Granted, he did, but only after having destroyed and hurt every bit of my heart and soul. This guy would tell me he could never love a big girl, a girl with stretch marks. He would never love me if I had a child and didn’t take care of myself by staying fit, taking care of a child or having a stable job. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but an 18 year old girl hearing that from someone she loved was completely unnecessary. It broke me that I, someone so petite and small with a desire to have children, wouldn’t be loved by the person who I wanted to have a family with. After he told me all of that I started thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn’t have a kid. This is what I came up with:

  • I become a host for 9 months, a host whose body shape shifts into a baby carrier.
  • Birth. Need I say more?
  • Stretch Marks
  • Weight gain
  • No more freedom, full responsibility for YEARS
  • What if he/she doesn’t love me?
  • I want to travel
  • I want to live!

Then, my nephew was born. I saw my sister give birth, I saw her grow and shape shift into an amazing person, an amazing mother. All the while her fiance by her side holding her hand, or should I say foot (during labor). He looked directly into the storm and comforted my sister. When my little nephew popped out, there was nothing but love in the air, it was a sigh of relief. If I felt that much joy seeing my nephew be born, how would I feel with the right person by my side? I feel like nothing else matters, but holding your child and watching it grow. I didn’t get a new perspective on life, but I have a linger of desire to have a child now. At the same time, I worry if I’ll be able to take care of my child and if I’ll be able to fulfill all my goals and travel aspirations before I have a child. There’s so much to lose yet so much to gain. The good thing is, I still have time to think. What do ya’ll think about having kids? Pros, cons?

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