August 14th: The Color Tan

This is a follow up from my last post “Positivity”. If you guys haven’t checked it out please do so and this post will make more sense! ❤

On August 14th I took three positives.

1) My coworker gave me the last brownie.

2) I’m making an effort to be happy.

3) My brothers smile.

On this day it was particularly hard because it was my first day trying to be positive. I chose the color tan because it is a neutral color which is where I was at least trying to be and I was! On my way home from work I was playing my summer playlist from spotify which contains upbeat music by Selena Gomez, Plan B, Luke Bryan etc. Instead of listening to the music, my thoughts were screaming in my head and that’s all I could hear. They weren’t happy thoughts either. I was thinking of crashing into the trailer infront of me and taking my last breath before jumping into a rocky river. I was starting to tear up when I forced myself to pull away from my thoughts and listen to my music. I sang along to the songs just to keep myself from listening to my thoughts. I made it home. I felt emotionally exhausted, took a nap and woke up when my little brother and dad got home from work. My brother started playing with my cat. He has the cheesiest smile, my brother. He has braces and when he smiles he has this goofy laugh that comes from the back of his throat and it makes me so happy. We laid in my bed watching Spongebob for a bit and then he went to sleep.

On Monday I felt tan. I felt neutral because I was sad inside, but the world was still revolving and living around me and I want to join it. It’s going to take some time, but I’m gonna try and pull through.

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