Lotus Flower

When I was younger, I used to get bullied…  A LOT. I got bullied over my appearance- something I clearly had no control over at the ages of 7 to 13. I got bullied for having a big nose, being too scrawny and flat chested and probably several other things people didn’t find appealing. It used to get to me a lot, I would let it get in my head and it made a huge impact on the person I have become.

When I was younger, I was developing, soaking in knowledge, tid-bits of life. Everything I was told would get stuck and embedded in my head. I began learning things about myself that I had never taken into consideration.

It wasn’t until third grade that I found out I had a big nose. I mean, I knew I had a nose, but it never occurred to me that it was big. It wasn’t until sixth grade that I found out I had a flat chest. I knew I had a chest, but I never considered the size of it mattering. I didn’t know I had flaws until people started pointing them out. I didn’t know I was ugly until I was told I was. It started becoming a norm looking in the mirror and not seeing myself, I saw something ugly that I wanted to change as if it was a room I was trying to decorate. There would be days after getting home from school that I just felt like clawing my face out for being so ugly. I couldn’t walk within a crowd without putting my head down because I didn’t feel pretty. I didn’t feel like people should look at me. I covered my face with bangs. I did everything in my futile power to just make myself invisible because I didn’t think I was pretty to look at.

Now that I’m older and I’m able to think more for myself, I realize that I’m okay the way I am. Looking back, I realize that although there weren’t as many people that thought I was pretty opposed to the ones who thought I was ugly, I chose to listen to the negative ones when I should’ve been listening to my own. Hell yeah it takes a toll having all those negative opinions being said about me, but at the end of the day I decide what to listen to and how I will let it impact me.

There will always be bullies and people that terrorize without having a reason, but it’s our decision on how we let it affect us or how we choose to perceive it. It’s good to remember that there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like you for whatever reason, just like you may not like someone for whatever reason as well. It’s good to realize that just like there’s someone who finds you distasteful, there will always be someone out there who finds you ravishing.

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