I can’t decide whether my mind is untrustworthy or if he is. I don’t know if this is an issue with other people who are depressed or have anxiety, but sometimes I think I’m going crazy. I know when I have thoughts such as methods of killing myself or constant self put-downs that they’re not really my thoughts. However, when I have thoughts of he cheats on you every time he’s on the phone, he doesn’t want you, he’s using you, I can’t decide if they’re my thoughts or not. He has never given me a solid reason to not trust him. The one time he had- we addressed it head on and agreed that we’d be loyal to each other despite the lack of a title. I have this constant tick of he’s cheating on you, he’s talking to her, he doesn’t want you and I don’t know if it’s cause I’m that insecure or if it’s because no ones ever treated me right, if that is the reason he shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of someone else’s mistakes. What if it’s because he really is breaking his word and talking to other girls, but he’s never without me. What if he does it right in front of my face because I’m that naive and I haven’t learned my lesson from my previous shit relationships? What if it’s just another depressive, anxiety stricken thought?
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this new take on writing!