I thought not having anything written in stone in your life was hard. Until recently. For a couple of weeks I had been having trouble sleeping, but I didn’t really know why. A week before my period came around, I got cramps and mood swings like I usually do and I patiently waited for my period to come around.
I carried a couple tampons in my purse because my first day is always heaviest. I had to make sure I was packing for my bloody day.
The week I usually got my period passed and I thought, cool, it’s not the first time. It’s like the second time this happens. Totally normal to miss a period every now and then. So I waited another week.
The week after my period usually came around I began to have a funny taste in my mouth. Like If I had a penny or coin in my mouth. It tasted like straight metal.
I think at this point I was just really nervous because I missed my period and I had had cramps, so I was sure I was going to get my period soon. I have never wanted to have children, so the idea of being pregnant was beyond me, but it still lingered. I never imagined I could have kids because I just have never wanted one. That lingering thought fused in my brain and one night I had a nightmare where I had a small bump and I had stretchmarks near my pelvic area. I literally shot right up from my sleep HORRIFIED and looked at my stomach to make sure I didn’t have stretch marks.
But this dream really stuck with me and at this point I was growing suspicious of being pregnant. I had minor nausea and I was thinking it was my anxiety that just had me feeling so flustered. After all, my anxiety has made me nauseous and gag plenty of times. It was a Friday. Friday the 5th. The next day, I was scheduled to go to the state fair, have one of their delicious piña coladas and a fried pumpkin pie. I wanted to not feel guilty about getting drunk that next day, so I didn’t plan on taking a pregnancy test till Monday, the 8th. But I was just so nervous, anxious and feeling so crappy that day that I just had to find out. So during my lunch break I drove myself to Family Dollar and got me a Clearblue, because if I was going to check and try to be certain, I was not going to risk getting a false positive. I asked the cashier where they had them because I looked around and was so frantic I couldn’t find them.
She told me where they were. I grabbed it and she scanned it and asked: “Are you excited?”
“Are you going to keep it if you are?”
“No. Do you guys have restrooms here?”
“Yeah, but customers can’t use them. Sorry!”
“That’s fine thank you.”
I scurried away as fast as I could and walked to a smoothie place next door. I ordered a mango smoothie so I wouldn’t seem like a weirdo just using their restroom. I had chugged a whole bottle of water so I really needed to pee! With my great luck though, the restroom was occupied and there was only one.
I waited for an eternity and was finally able to go in the restroom to take the test.
Guys. It’s been a little over a week since this happened and I couldn’t be any more scared in & for my life. I have been going at my own pace with school, I’ve been making many, many mistakes along the way. Everything has affected just me. I thought going slow and not having a set timeline was difficult, but I was most definitely not prepared for what I found out that day. Stay tuned for the next part of this story.