An unexpected pregnancy in itself can be a huge shock and leave you in a restless state of mind. Our worries may be similar. These were only some of mine: How am I going to take care of her, I can barely take care of myself? My body is about to get destroyed. What am I going to do with a flabby belly and deflated boobs? Can I really push out a human from my freaking vagina? What if I don’t love it, the fetus, the baby? What if all I have for it is regret and rancor? What does this mean for my career, my entire life?
As someone who has dreamt of nothing but a career and travel driven life with only a husband and pets to live with, having a child meant this was the end of the world and life I thirsted for. However, all I did was thirst for this life. I never really made a huge effort, I felt I had plenty of time… as most people do. Staying positive was especially hard because I just kept thinking of what a huge crap I’d taken on my whole life. I kept thinking of everything I’d lose. I kept thinking about it as a loss until one day I realized this is making me better.
I don’t- I can’t drink when I’m feeling upset. I have to deal with my emotions and work through them. True self-care.
I have to finish school. She can’t have a mom who can’t even finish her commitment to school. What kind of example would that be? Plus, I don’t want her to shove it in my face in her teen years. Motivation.
I have to work, I have to prove that even pregnant moms can do it. Quitting my dreams because I can’t handle an unexpected pregnancy -TO ME- would definitely make me a coward. Perseverance.
I have to learn to save money, pay my credit cards, eat enough food throughout the day and not starve myself when I see the scale hit 100, I have to go to the dentist and conquer my fears. I have to do everything I knew I should’ve done before, but never did because I never had to. I never made the time, there was always something more “important”.
I have to get my shit together.
This, this pregnancy, is making me better. It’s like getting a pet and knowing you have to feed it one way or another but a million times more intense because if I don’t feed this, this fetus, this baby, I am harming someone else that isn’t me. If I don’t finish school, I’m not just fucking up my life or settling for my own mediocre lifestyle, it will also trickle down to her.
“A child’s shoulders were not meant to bear the weight of their parents choices.” – Anonymous
I wouldn’t have put this puzzle piece together without the help of my amazing partner, Pedro. Somehow, someway he has literally helped pull my normal self out of the black hole I was in. I was already devastated and depressed with the unproductive life I was living, no accomplishments to show or be proud of, but without his support, kind words, motivation and… citations to God, that dark cloud would definitely still be lingering overhead.
We have jobs.
We have a roof over our heads.
We don’t go hungry.
We have family support.
Most importantly, we have each other.
How could I possibly turn a blind eye to everything this pregnancy has made me realize? Of course, it’s going to be hard to raise a baby and to learn to juggle my dreams and goals with a child, but it’s been done. Pregnancy doesn’t have to be a devastating mistake that ruins your life. I’m one of the lucky ones who can pretty much say I have everything I need. Stay positive by opening your eyes to the reality that is, the positivity around you and the positivity it will bring and may already bring like it did with me. The most dangerous thing you can do is relish in what could have been and what was. It’s like sitting in boiling water. You’re just burning yourself. GET OUT. Lose that mentality. It just needs to be done once, then twice, then three times and before you know it, it turns into a habit.
Wake up. Look! You’re breathing. Someone else had dreams too, but they didn’t get to wake up from them. Take the smallest positive aspect and cling onto it like your life depends on it- because it does and it does for your baby too.
Feeling negative or upset is also completely normal and if you’re having trouble, definitely seek professional help. I for sure have negative thoughts every now and then, but right now let’s focus on trying to be and staying positive. I will share how I maneuver around negative thoughts in my next post! Thank you for reading, I hope this was of some help to at least one person.