Two months? Incredible.
Fast. Everything goes and passes by fast! The time, the growth, the pains, the discoloration. Everything I worried about in my past post like the dark spots, the flabbiness, POOF, gone! Just kidding.
It’s not all gone, BUT it’s not where it was before and I definitely see improvement! I’m so happy I could almost show you guys, however, I am not there yet and it’s okay. I may not show you, but I can tell you what it’s like. My stomach is back to looking flat and I once again look squared like Spongebob Squarepants. Are we ever truly happy with what we look like? I don’t know. I am truly grateful for where I am now and I know for a fact there’s always room for improvement. The stretchmarks around my bellybutton are still there and my bellybutton is still dark on the inside. The darkness aka MELASMA around my boobs, torso, thighs are almost fully gone! I thank time, my Jergens moisturizing cream and the wonderful tight panties I told you all about in my last post. I have gotten much happier and confident with my body that I even wore a bathing suit! High waisted, but a bathing suit nonetheless. I have to admit though, I did feel a bit glum as I saw other girls with stomachs that looked the way mine did before. Bellybutton piercing and all.
Anyway, I’m back at work too! A month with Lily felt like nothing and I wish I were in a better position to be able to spend time with my baby. It might be my pride, but I feel like I have to contribute something monetary. I started my bills, it’s my responsibility to take care of them. And herein lies the struggle of being a working mom. I feel like I’m leaving incompleteness everywhere. I’m not with my baby 100%, I cut my hours at work so even though I’m still full time I have the same work load, but less time to do it. My job isn’t stressful, but it feels like I’m not 100% with it like I was before. Partner wise, I don’t feel 100% with him because I’m simply not as I was before. I feel guilty going out with just him and leaving Lily behind because I’m not with Lily, but I also feel guilty because I know we need time with eachother. It’s like constantly having to fill all the cups in my life when I’m not producing enough in my cup to give out. I know it’s something all moms feel at some point, so I’m trying not to dwell on it, but the feeling is still there.
In the beginning of month 2, I got hit hard with an infection in my titty. Oh, you havent heard of this you say? Well neither had I! It is a painful, paiiiiiinnn FULL experience. The proper term for it is mastitis and it started off as discomfort on my left breast. Then it turned into a hot boob with redness on it. Then into a fever lasting 7 days. Normally, it lasts about 3 days, but my infection decided to stop on one side and go onto the other making it last what felt like FOREVER. It was horrible. I had sweats, chills the whole nine yards yall. I would hold Lily to breastfeed her and I’d be so hot she would sweat too. I felt awful for her and for myself. On the 3rd day of this hell, I called my OBGYN and was prescribed some antibiotics and it went away slowly. It happens to 1/10 people so it’s pretty common and not all that bad for some people. It’s contagious too, so stay away from other breastfeeding mommies cause I gave it to my sister. Sorry sis! If you didn’t know about this, you do now and I hope that if you’re a pregnant woman that plans on breastfeeding that this doesnt happen to you! And if it does, tough it out momma! You pushed a baby out, you can deal with a painful titty!
Oh and also, I got a hemorrhoid and my bumhole felt like it was kicked a million times and bruised everytime I used the restroom. It’s gone now though so all is well with my body.
This all may sound scary and troublesome to go through, but there’s a reason I’m still here and it’s because of Lily pad and the amazing support system I have had since day one. It takes a village man. It really does and my village is amazing. From my incredible partner who is always there to help in any and every way he can, my mom, who I’ve slowly come to understand since having Lily, she takes care of Lily while I work and I can tell Lily ADORES being with her grandma, my sister who is always there and open to talk about anything, my dad who helps out the nights Lily is being a wild child, my brother who is fantastic at putting Lily to sleep, my MIL (mother in law, common acronym used in the mommy group community) who is always there when I need her, my dad’s girlfriend who is also always helping and offering advice, to the people who simply reach out and share their advice and tips on caring for their little nuggets. My village is huge and I am forever grateful.
Lily has been a wild child. Nothing less of what I’d expected from mine and Pedro’s child! I say she is a wild child because she loves to keep us up at night on the most random days. All in all, she is a wholesome, great baby. Today, she got her first round of shots. THREE freaking shots my child had to endure. My heart broke and I couldn’t help but to cry as she cried. I may have even cried longer than her haha We also took her to Oklahoma, (her first road trip) and she did fantastic! She has grown so much since I first had her and I feel so lucky to see her blossom. I take pictures of her every single day. One of my favorite things to do with her is shower together because she makes the cutest faces of relaxation when I rinse out her hair. I’ve recently even tried giving her mohawks and it is so hilarious! Co-sleeping is great too. I do this because I feel like it compensates for me not being with her while I’m at work. To all the naysayers about co-sleeping- please don’ judge and respect my parenting decisions. 🙂
A baby is a baby and they can’t do any wrong. They are loving, forgiving, perfect and pure. As parents the only way we can fail them is by not being there and not giving love and support. I’m grateful for Lily and although I never saw myself with children, I now never see myself without Lily. Lily is my heart and soul all in one little bundle. It’s cliche until it’s you living it: being a parent is hard and it is the best thing ever. Thank’s for knocking me up Pedro! Thank you for reading.
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